You looked at Ray and said, "l want him to be my boyfriend, -
- but he's got to change. " What are you talking about?
One of the things that initiated a misunderstanding -
- was that one day, l didn't want to have sex with him.
So he starts talking about calling somebody else to do it.
Stop at $4,000!
You'd been drinking, and you thought you were making love to me.
This differs from a normal massage.
- Jamie, l ... - No!
This television funny-man killed his brother in cold blood.
My guests have crushes on food service workers.
Mr. Davis, do you take cream and sugar in your eye?
Do you want to tell them something?
l'm really a man.
Where's the cable guy?
Rick Legatos, please.
- Hey Rick, phone. - How's the move going?
The cable guy is missing in action. l hope he gets here before l die.
- You haven't called Robin? - No. l'm giving her her space.
- l can't believe she's doing this. - You shouldn't have proposed.
All she had to do was say no. She didn't have to kick me out.
- Let's go! - Just give me a minute!
Listen, a piece of advice ...
Slip the cable guy $50, he'll give you all the movie channels for free.
l'm not good at that stuff. What if he says no?
None of them say no.
- l've got to go. Talk to you later. - All right.
Hi, this is Robin Harris. Steven doesn't live here anymore ...
- Cable guy! - Oh, great!
- Cable guy! - Don't leave!
- Wait! - Cable guy!
- l'm coming! - Cable guy!
Cable guy!
Wait! Come back.
- Look who decided to show. - You should have come hours ago.
Should l? So, l'm the tardy one?
Yeah. l was going to the bed-and-bath place. Now it's closed.
Maybe l shouldn't have come at all. Jerk off!
l'm just joking with you.
The old McNair place! Never thought they'd get the floors clean ...
- What happened? - They had a lot of cats.
- Please mail this in when l'm done. - Does it go to your boss?
No, it goes to me. l'm kind of a perfectioniss ...
Perfectioniss ... t.
Let's take a look.
This could be a cool pad.
Come on, baby.
Talk to me.
Tell me where you like it.
Hello, Mama.
ls this what you want? ls this where you need it?
How about this?
That's your sweet spot, right there.
Your lady kicked you out.
What?
l noticed you were previously wired at 1 2681 l2 Chestnut.
Last week, the billing was transferred to one Robin Harris.
- Smells like heartbreak to me. - l don't want to discuss that.
- Just install my cable, please. - Suit yourself.
No sweat off my sack.
You might want to put on a bathing suit.
You'll be channel surfing in no time.
So ends day 54 of the trial of former child star, Sam Sweet, -
- who has been accused of shooting his brother Stan in cold blood.
The twins were stars of the hit sitcom, "Double Trouble".
- Who broke this? - He did it!
Life wasn't sweet after their programme was cancelled.
Sam turned to petty larceny, -
- while his brother fell in with the cult "Brotherhood of Friends".
l hope they fry this bastard.
What happened?
Your furniture and appliances were causing problems with the reception.
- l moved a few things, okay? - Yeah, l guess.
l just have some paperwork for you to fill out.
lt's a drag. You just get to know somebody and then the job is done.
Sign here.
l feel good about this.
Hey, wait!
l have this friend, and he gave his cable guy $50 ...
He got all the movie channels for free. Did you ever hear of that?
- You mean illegal cable? - Yeah ...
- Who told you that? - Forget it.
You're offering me a bribe.
That's illegal. You could be fined up to $5,000 or go to jail.
No, l was just making conversation. Forget it.
l'm just jerking your chain.
You are too easy. Wake up. Smell the smelling salt.
l'll juice you up.
- One guy doing another guy a solid. - That is so nice.
Well, you're a nice guy. Many customers treat me like snot.
Here's my personal pager number.
- The company puts you on hold. - Thanks. You'll get good marks.
Maybe l'll show you the satellite, how this whole thing works.
- Sure, we should do that one day. - How about tomorrow?
- Tomorrow's no good. - You'll be stewing about your ex?
No.
- l crossed the line. Sorry. - You didn't cross the line.
Cool! Pick you up at six-thirty.
There are 2 4 classrooms. Each can be converted into a home.
There's a swimming pool, tennis courts, a gym and a stage, -
- if the residents decide they want to perform ''Oklahoma''.
- Oklahoma! - lt's available in foreclosure.
With a cash bid, we can steal this thing.
Tough room, but you got them.
Are you having a little domestic discord?
Robin and l are having difficulties. l think it's only temporary.
lf you screw this project up, it's not going to be my ass.
- Do you know what l mean? - l'm on it.
l'm more patient. l'm more loving. They tell me this.
There's something in everyone's life they could improve.
lf they're doing well financially, maybe their relationships suffer ...
Call now, and you'll be rushed the "Personal Power Success System. "
Steven!
Stevie, time to leavie!
Come on down! Are you waiting for an invitation?
lt's the fun bus. Come on!
- How's it going? - Hey, buddy!
l've had a few drinks, so buckle up.
That's my humour. Thanks for coming out.
Most people never take the time to understand how the cable works.
- Where exactly are we going? - To ride the information highway.
l come up here to think sometimes. Clear my head.
Brace yourself.
There she is.
She's sending entertainment and information to millions of citizens.
- That's pretty impressive. - l knew you'd appreciate this.
The future is now!
Soon every home will integrate their television, phone and computer.
You'll be able to visit the Louvre, or watch female mud wrestling.
You can shop from your home, or play video games with someone in Vietnam.
There's no end to the possibilities!
When l was a kid, my mom worked nights. l never met my father.
- But the TV was always there. - l know what you mean.
My dad might as well have been away.
That's tough. You must have a lot of abandonment issues.
Reality isn't ''Father Knows Best'' any more.
lt's a kick in the face with a steel-toe work boot, -
- and a trip to the hospital for reconstructive surgery.
But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?
My brother is a speech therapist.
So?
Never mind.
- You're pretty love-struck, huh? - l miss her.
- l proposed, and she kicked me out. - l hate that.
- She said l pressed too hard. - Women are a labyrinth, my friend.
Can l be frank?
l don't think you listen to her. You tell her what she wants to hear.
She wants you to thirst for knowledge about who she is.
All the complicated splendor that is woman.
When your love is truly giving, it will come back to you tenfold.
You're right. That's incredibly insightful.
lt was Jerry Springer's final thought on Friday's show.
Women love ''Sleepless in Seattle.'' lt's on HBO this month.
- That's your bait. - Robin loves that movie.
Tell her you're cooking yourself dinner and watching it by yourself.
- She'll come running. - Maybe l'll give it a try.
lt's embarrassing, l don't even know your name.
Do you really want to know my name?
You do?
lt's Ernie Douglas. But my friends call me Chip.
Goodbye.
This concludes our broadcast day. Click.
l don't listen to you. l pretend to understand.
l'm just saying what l think you want to hear.
l'm interested in learning about the complicated splendor that is you.
l can see that taking this time might be good for us. l'm not mad.
- Sometimes time apart is healthy. - You're right.
That's what l came here to say.
l have to get back to the office.
- What are you doing tomorrow? - Cook dinner and watch a movie.
- ''Sleepless in Seattle'' is on TV. - l love that movie.
Why don't you come by?
- Maybe l will. - Whatever.
l'm Tabitha Soren. Today in the Sam Sweet case, -
- the prosecution played the call Sam made on the night of the murder.
Mr. Sweet confessed one month later.
Oh, my God. My twin brother's been shot.
l think it was an Asian gang or something!
l saw someone. He was speaking another language. l'm pretty sure -
- it was Asian.
He had the same injury last year.
You guys play here too?
l thought l'd see if anybody wanted to play round ball.
- Great. We need another man. - Chip Douglas, my cable guy.
We met a week ago, but l feel l've always known him.
That's sweet.
- Chip Douglas, you're on my team. - No way.
- l'm on Steven's team. - l'll switch teams. Let's play.
l've got to warm up! l don't want to pull a hammy.
- Let's get it on . - You any good?
You'll find out.
Check it.
Looks good.
Let's see what you got, White Shadow.
Foul!
- That was a travel! - Whatever you say, Chip!
l see. We're playing prison rules, huh?
Feed me!
Steven, l'm open! Feed me the rock!
Chip, over here!
l love this game.
- l guess we're done. - Thanks for bringing your friend.
l never made a slam dunk before. Thanks for the boost.
What are you doing?
- l'm just talking trash. - You ruined the game.
Friends don't speak to each other like that.
We're not friends. l don't even know you.
- Let me buy you a Heineken. - l'm going home.
l guess we'll talk later. l have to do some stuff anyway.
You have 1 1 new messages.
Steven, it's Mom. Call me. l'm still your mother, you know.
Steven, call your mother.
Hey, Steven. Give me a ring. l'm at 555-4329.
l'm at a pay phone. lf you're there, pick up.
l'll be home later.
Okay, l'm home. Give me a buzz when you get in.
lt's me again. l was taking a whiz. Thought you might have called.
We're having ourselves a game of phone tag here.
l was just blow-drying my hair ... Thought l heard the phone ring.
l think your machine is ...
- Hey, good to see you. - You too.
- So how's work? - Work's good.
- How's Hal? - The guy has no vision.
lt's like working for Mr. Magoo. And those hair plugs ...
He's just an utterly useless person. l think l hate him.
- lt's nice to see you doing well. - lt's nice just to see you.
Hey. lt should be on now.
Damn it. The cable's out.
l know what to do. The cable guy is a friend of mine.
l'm a preferred customer. All l have to do is page him.
- Hi. ls there a problem? - My cable's out.
Really? So you called me.
Funny, how you call when you need something.
- ls that how you treat people? - l've been busy. Robin is here.
- This is important. - But calling me back isn't?
l'm sorry. Can you help me out?
Why should l help you? l gave you free cable.
- What have you ever done for me? - Anything you want.
- Tomorrow night we hang out. - Fine, anything you want.
God bless you. You're too good to me.
All set!
- What's with the cut cord? - That's for effect. Until tomorrow.
She's pretty. Don't kiss her. Don't even touch her.
Resist the urge at all costs. lt'll pay off in the end.
See what l'm saying?
Enjoy the flick.
That was fast.
- Are you okay? - l'm fine. Don't l look fine?
That isn't how it's done. l'd rather just see somebody l like.
Get a feeling about them, and ask them if they'd like a drink.
- Or a slice of pizza? - Does it still work this way?
- lt doesn't. They ask you. - l'm starting to notice that.
lf you get a new wife, do you get to have sex with her?
- l certainly hope so. - Will she scratch up your back?
What?
ln movies, women always scratch the man when they're having sex.
- How do you know this? - Jed's got cable.
- Mommy's got to go out now. - When will l get a brother?
That's why Mommy is going out.
Just sit there with Mr. Babysitter and he'll take good care of you.
Don't sit so close to that thing. lt's going to rot your brain.
- Why didn't you take my call? - l can't always pick up the phone.
Your nostrils flare when you're mad.
Sorry about yesterday. How did everything go with you?
- Keep them closed! - Pretty well. The other night ...
l want this to be a surprise.
- Where are we going? - The finest restaurant in town.
Open ... sesame.
Medieval Times?
l knew you'd like it. l come twice a week.
l'm your serving wench, Melinda. Care for something from the barkeep?
Dost thust have thou a mug of ale?
Me mate here, pitched in battle for a fortnight, has a king's thirst.
- l'll be right back, My Lord. - My thanks to ye, fair wench.
Thanks.
- Look, l have to tell you ... - Hold that thought. Show's on.
Welcome to a magnificent journey ... into the past.
This is Medieval Times!
Are you prepared for a night of feasting and sport -
- the likes of which you'll never forget?
Stand up and cheer for your section's knight!
Let the games begin! The blue knight rules!
The red knight sucks the big one! You're going down, red knight!
Going down, down, down! Red knight going down!
Smite him!
- Could l get a knife and fork? - There were none in medieval times.
- More Pepsi? - There was Pepsi, but no utensils?
l've got a lot of tables.
Can l have your skin? Check this out.
''Silence of the Lambs.''
Hello, Clarice. lt's good to see you again.
This has nothing to do with you as a person ...
We have reached the climax of our competition.
Two noblemen from our audience will battle to the death.
Master Steven Kovacs and Lord Chip, come to the fighting pit!
- Let's go. - What's going on?
- We're going to do battle. - ls this a normal part of the show?
No, but l give all the knights free cable.
- ls it safe? - Yes! That's what the armour's for!
We have to be careful not to hurt each other, right?
l cannot listen to you, for you are my sworn enemy.
Just take it easy, all right?
Nice move.
Necessity ... is the mother of invention.
Come back ... so that l may brain thee!
My leg! l have a cramp!
Are you all right?
l am now.
Oh my God!
That's the spirit! Let's give them a show!
l'm blinded! My eyes!
l don't believe you. lt's another trick.
So that's how it's going to be? You want to play rough?
Daddy can play rough!
This is like when Spock fought Kirk. Best friends forced to do battle.
Chip, this isn't funny! Stop it!
The name is Spock. lf we don't fight to the death, they'll kill us both.
This isn't ''Star Trek''.
Goodbye, Jim.
Good fight.
Keep eating!
Quickly! Muster atop your steed.
Get on the friggin' horse. l don't think he's kidding.
- Don't do this! - Good luck to you!
- This is our destiny! - No, it's not!
- Yes, it is! - No, it isn't!
Are you all right?
Well done, good sir. You are the victor.
But we will meet again.
Did you hear that?
- You have a warrior's instinct. - l had a real feeling of power.
lf Robin had seen you, she'd be begging you to come back.
These knights get laid all the time!
We should go again next week.
- You have no messages. - Nobody loves you.
l left something in the living room. Will you check it out for me?
Just a little piece of equipment.
- What do you think? - What is all this?
lt appears as if someone has updated your home entertainment system.
l got you the big-screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine -
- and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream his pants.
- You got in here when l was out? - How else could l get the stuff in?
- How much did all of this cost? - Practically nothing.
l have a connection. l hook him up, he hooks me up.
- l can't accept this. - Why not?
You give me something more valuable. Friendship.
You give me friendship. We're even. You have to take this stuff back.
- Can l leave it here till Saturday. - Sure. No problem.
Hi, this is Robin Harris. Steven doesn't live here any more ...
Hey, it's Steven. l'm still trying to reach you ...
l'm at the office. Call me.
- How's it going? - Good.
Good. Keep it up. lt's your ass.
lt's Robin on line two.
l had the best time the other night. When will l see you again?
- How about tomorrow? - Chip!
l knew l'd get you on the phone that way.
Let's break the cherry on that karaoke machine.
- What does that mean? - Karaoke jam. No ifs, ands or buts.
Maybe a few buts. Big ones!
You're going on a date?
We're not officially back together. And you said time apart is good.
Yes. Time apart from each other, but not with other people.
That's time with someone else.
- l love you, but l have to go. Bye. - Bye.
This is just a sign that you need to live a little.
- She's having fun. You should, too. - Maybe you're right.
- l got you a little something. - You said we were even.
You're breaking the rules. What is it?
LOOSE YOUR LlSP lN 30 DAYS
My brother thought it might help you.
- This is ... There's no words ... - lt's no big deal.
Yes, it is! lt is to me.
Now l'm on a mission.
This is going to be the best damn karaoke jam ever.
We're really bopping!
- You have some nice friends. - They're just preferred customers.
Chick alert, two o'clock. What a licorice!
- Don't look. - You're just playing with me.
- She's all over you. - Shut up.
l'd strike while the iron is hot. He who hesitates, masturbates.
Go.
- Hey. l'm Steven. - Heather.
- Can l get you a beer? - How about a tequila?
Hi, Rick.
That'll be a good one.
- Glad you accepted my invitation. - Steven invited me.
He's having a super time.
He's changing. You'll have to learn to live with that.
l don't know what your story is, but l'm going to find out.
Don't dig too deep. You might get burned by the molten lava.
l'm out of here.
Thank you.
The soothing sounds of Raoul, ladies and gentlemen.
- You had honey in your voice. - Do a song for us.
No, l couldn't.
All right, already!
l fought the law, and the law won.
Jefferson Airplane performed this song in ''Gimme Shelter'', -
- a film about how the Hell's Angels had their way at a Stones concert.
Tonight ... it's my turn.
- What do you do? - Can we talk in the other room?
We just had a baby born at the party.
We need an ambulance over by the scaffolding.
Shut the door!
lt's the summer of love, baby. Let's leave these two alone.
Smile! That's going to be a good one.
Good morning, and how are we today?
l borrowed this sweatshirt. Bacon and eggs, coming up.
- Where did Heather go? - She left early this morning.
You cad.
- What a night. Just what l needed. - l'll tell you something.
You look like a new man.
l was getting so used to rejection. l really liked her.
lt was my treat.
- What do you mean? - You can buy next time.
- Don't let your eggs get cold. - Buy what?
What do you mean, buy what? The women.
Do you mean that Heather is a prostitute?
Of course. We couldn't get a woman like that without paying.
This can't be happening.
lt's okay. She's totally clean. l checked her out about a week ago.
To make sure she was good. And l'm healthy as a horse ... Not a drip.
- Would you like some juice? - You're kidding. She's your friend.
- l wish l had friends like that. - Get out of my house!
She was a working girl, but she liked you.
You might even have got a freebie.
l don't ever want to see you again. Robin will never forgive me.
Don't tell her. l'll help you get her back.
l want you out of my apartment. And get this stuff out of here.
Why are you doing this? You're sabotaging yourself.
Out! Now!
Everything was going so well.
l made you breakfast, and we were eating ...
Out!
l'll fix this. l can make it cool again.
This is just a speed bump!
- May l help you? - No. l'm meeting someone here.
l apologize about last night. l came home and l just fell asleep.
Most appreciated.
Gail tells me you're coming out of a relationship.
- We're in a holding pattern. - A holding pattern?
You need to come down and refuel.
You're sexy.
You've been working hard. Take a break.
Excuse me. What's the story with our chicken?
Have the eggs had a chance to hatch? Maybe you can go check on it for me.
l'm sorry to put you out.
Unbelievable.
l'm hysterical now. What were we talking about?
- What's your job like? - lt's a little crazy right now ...
Wait. l need to use the head. l want to find out about your job.
What's with the chicken?
- Enjoy your meal. - Thank you.
- Good evening, sir. - Hey, stretch.
- Pleasant night, isn't it? - Yeah, not too bad.
The weather is always nice in here. The winters are remarkably mild!
- lf you need anything, let me know! - l got it under control!
- Unbelievable. - lt's no trouble.
What is your ..?